niedziela, 5 lutego 2017

To Be Hayya

It is difficult to be Hayya although she wouldn't agree.
Having lived on the planet for twenty eight years the pretty woman that she is still has no husband although her mother and grandmother married at just thirteen. Born in the heart of desert, never conquered by any power throughout its entire history, Hayya is a strong believer. In this matter she resembles the rest of her people. Her believes seem unshaken by common doubts. 
Hayya's life didn't spare her misfortunes. Her brother died recklessly in a speeding accident and she grew up in in a military village. Her family led by a high rank army man and there, fifteen hundred houses sinking in the schorch of sands. Despite her age Hayya cannot leave their farm on her own. Even a forty kilometers trip to the nearby town needs to be approved by the old father. Only then can she go accompanied by a male relative. 
She is an educateed woman of a curious mind. She likes history and speaks a foreign language. 
Hayya is among the youngest of her eight brothers and sisters without step mothers. Her father never took wives although it is incouraged among his people.
Hayya is a capricious girl. She lives driven by the rhythm of her whimsical behaviour. Menstruations and heat. Religious duties and the conviction of living an exclusive life. The society of wealth and social unity. All provided by endless sea of oil and religion of the only truth. Therfore Hayya hardly ever admits her mistakes. All she does is follow the will of God. Anyone who thinks different should reconsider their own misinterpretation of truth that she claims to have always been plugged into the source of. Therefore she feels no need to explain herself to anyone. 
But Hayya gets lonely. In those moments bearability of her very existance depends on talking to a male - such a sparse commodity in her desert world. That is why she choses to talk with strangers, online. Chatting became an important part of Hayya's everyday life. What else does she have left to do but hiding in the airconditioned rooms of her heat-proof bunker called house or the temple and the nearby workplace's chilly quarters? 
And Hayya keeps dreaming of a foreign husband. The idea of having a boyfriend doesn't even cross her mind. The very thought of it is so alien to Desert People as democracy in China. But the tribal traditions oppose marrying strangers even if they are beleievers. Dreams that musn't come true are all Hayya can enjoy silently. Her avatar shows Hayya kiss the lips of her own reflection in the mirror. She is all that exists out there for the woman she wants to be. Inspite of her age Hayya still remains innocent like children can be. Internet once palyed on her a robotic trick and let her see people fuck in front of her eyes for the very first time. Shaken from the reality of the images already pictured anyway for so many times yet in a completely different way, that night Hayya didn't sleep a wink. 
Hayya is trapped between the desires of "what life might be if" and the reality that makes her obey the lifestyle observed there for thousands of years. Modern technology brought its gadgets to that place but the change they herald are also the very poison her people protect themselves from. So does Hayya. She craves to taste the fruit of change yet she remains loyal to all the traditions - always halting people on their paths they might taken. Consumed by this conflict, she gets to suffer from fits of anger she doesnt's fully realise the source of. But Hayya likes to play with fire although all the talking to strangers, unbefitting a true believer, must forever be kept a secret... The shady marigins of her clendestine life are for her to roam alone. 
In this Hayya opposes the very rules she believs to be right.
It is difficult to be Hayya...

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